I don't like sleeping because of those moments when I prank myself, in a way. There's nothing like feeling vulnerable in your sleep and then suddenly (this is one type of example) I feel rumbling. My first thoughts are that it's an earthquake. I open my eyes groggily and the rumble continues. Only, it's not real. It's coming from behind my eyes. I feel my eyes, my head doing a rocky roll. Five more seconds pass and I become fully awake.
I grab my phone to check for earthquakes. No earthquakes. It was one of my tumultuous dreams. My heart pounds and I feel like I've been messed with. It really takes the joy of sleep away from me, and yet, I cannot function unless I have a minimum of 7 hours, so I have to sleep. So wrong!
At least the sleep walking has stopped.
Night terrors usually end with childhood. I guess my childhood is not over yet.
I really struggle with my magic brain.
I can create. The more it flowed, the more the back lash grew, and so I attempted to suppress it,
and only became a shell. So I've begun again, this time silently. Careful. Tip toeing even though I can feel that uneasiness.
It's pretty cut and dry. I know what I need to do. Create and face it. Luke Skywalker had his failure in the cave. This one was mine, and now it's time to succeed by at least confronting this thing. Whether it's here to stay is anyone's guess.
It's as though I'm missing a valuable lesson in all of this.
I don't seek answers because I know there are none. I simply want the cranial earthquakes to stop. The terror. The darkness. I want it to be a memory. Then I can enjoy sleep.
In the meantime, keeping it weird and making the most of it.
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